How can I approach this complicated crush? - Empty Closets - A ...

So I have this pretty good friend and I want to know how I should approach our relationship. We've only known each other for a few months, but already, many of our conversations have involved sharing some pretty intimate details about our hopes, fears, etc. I swing about 70/30 (male/female) when it comes to attraction, and this guy is, on a one-on-one level, great. He's really cute, artistic, sensitive, smart, and he listens more than he talks. I took a class with him and am pretty sure he's gay (maybe bi, but only for some reasons I'll talk about later), but really deep in the closet. On a social level, he's quite effeminate?he loves clothing and art like it's nobody's business, but I know that means absolutely nothing. That said, I'm 99% sure he was also trying to hide a boner during class when we he read ahead in our text about two male characters getting it on.

What tipped me off in conversation, however, was that he is conservative and Catholic, but constantly making excuses for why the Church and the party should get over their respective beefs with homosexuality/non-heteronormative sexualities, he assured me that our gay teacher was a top, and knows words like "twink" and "bear.? On a physical level, however, he sways his hips quite a bit, has the finger ration/hair whorl thing, makes expressions traditionally associated with gay men. He has extreme anxiety/OCD, and once joked (but was like half-serious) that my outline for a test was not organized/aesthetically pleasing enough. Go figure.

His Facebook doesn't leave much to the imagination either; he's obsessed with Katy Perry and called her a "bad bitch." The most telling moments were, one, when he got defensive about someone saying there was a correlation between the number of gay men in city cupcake shops and baking being "immasculine," and two, when he made a comment about the college's attitude of all white, rich, straight men are bad?throwing in straight with some noticeable hesitance. I replied, "yeah, we're all awful" (I was closeted then). He smiled and said "yeah, us," quite distantly and knowingly (not directed at me; he was genuinely surprised when I came out as a 4 on the spectrum).

What throws me off, though, is that he's a player with women when we go out on the weekends. He's a serial dater and will get a little aggressive when he's not getting what he wants. I know this points to bi, or more likely, straight; however, according to his roommate (and I've seen it once or twice), he constantly has crying fits and breakdowns after these many of these encounters (which are always when he?s blackout drunk, never sober), and he has once contemplated suicide (he's in therapy for it). Also, I seems like casual hetero sex doesn't always mean somebody's straight (I know a few gay former-?players? from high school?they met expectations, not desires). This roommate (very masculine straight guy who just happens to be attuned/open-minded) is constantly saying "he'd be a much better, happier guy if he just came out."

So, I guess the purpose of this essay is that I'm torn. When I initially met the kid and felt some kind of spark?even if it's just friendship (he asked me to lunch, puts his hand on my shoulder to drive home emotional points, and gets excited to share things with me)?but the more I hear the more I think he's either a straight douchebag or a psychologically messed-up closet case. There are times when I tell myself I'm just reading what I want to read, but there also some moments where his latent sexuality seems so apparent that I just want to say ?come on out, the water?s nice.?

I don?t need a project. I don?t want a project, and the more I find out about his anxiety and aggression, the more I think I?m in love with the idea of him, not him?but I?m obsessed. I get anxiety trying to interpret every move or post, and I need to move on. He?s currently away for the semester in Spain, but the distance hasn?t helped. I?ve been trying to fall in love with other people, but no one, male or female, is quite taking the way he has. I just need some advice as to how I should approach my relationship with him, and, if you guys think he might have a thing fore men or if it?s just wishful thinking on my part. Thanks in advance, and sorry for the length.

Source: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/87785-how-can-i-approach-complicated-crush.html

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